Not like this...

“What we had deserved more than a text.

You talked like you were ready for real love, but when it started to become real, you disappeared, avoided me, pushed me away with vague niceties.

You offered promises, connection and intimacy, until I became more than just convenience and then you pulled back, without owning it. You wanted connection without commitment, love without risk, me without what I deserve.

I hadn’t closed the door, until now. But now I can see through it, through the mixed signals. You said big things, made me feel and then made out like I was asking too much just by having feelings. Whatever your fear or confusion, you walked away so quickly and easily because facing real intimacy scares you.

The difference between us is, I meant it. I showed up. I was ready to build something real. This is who I am. I don’t regret it. I saw your potential, but you’re not the man in reality that I thought you could be.

It’s done, no hard feelings. I wish you the best.”

This is an actual text I sent to a man whom I’d been seeing only a few months, but with whom I’d had a deep connection. Half of our relationship was pure bliss – like nothing I had ever experienced before.

The other half was a push-pull dynamic that shredded my nervous system and created anxiety like I had never felt before.

When he eventually pushed me away, I was devastated.

Then, two weeks later, he dropped back in to see if we could ‘still be friends’. No. We were never friends in the first place. I knew it wouldn’t be enough, so I declined.

His response: ‘I don’t know what to say to make it any better for you. I had to do what I did to move forward. I will cease contact. Keep being you. Bye until I see you again sometime x’

x. fucking x??? He’s hurting me, and he seals it with a kiss. Wow.

I had more than my fair share of relationships where I gave too much - to fill the gaps where they didn’t. Where I shrank and dimmed my light so as not to outshine him. Where I accepted less than I deserved so I didn’t ‘upset the apple cart’.

This relationship was the last straw. I thought he was different. Actually, what I really thought was: ‘WTF Universe?? AGAIN??? When is it my time??”

Emotionally avoidant man withdraws; over-giving woman overcompensates. Again. Fuck. That.

So, I sent that text. A final text. Because – well, enough is enough.

I wrote that message as a war cry from every version of me who had willingly accepted less than I deserve - wife, partner, situationship participant, employee, co-worker, friend, daughter, mother.

It practically burst out of me.

All the words I’d never said but always wanted to. I was proud of myself, but also deeply heart broken, hollow and sad. Interestingly, I also felt relieved and empowered at the same time.

It landed in silence - of course there was no response.

Then, I did what every self-respecting heartbroken woman does: I called my bestie and sobbed.

And then I pulled myself together. Deleted him. Mostly. I deleted his messages, our entire chat, photos, social media connections. I even changed his name on my phone to ‘Not Like This’.

But I didn’t block him.

Then what followed was interesting… I started feeling a sense of newfound self-respect and empowerment. I’d done something that I had only dared to imagine before.

Detachment followed. Slowly I began to rise. A little morning dance in the mirror even.

Then – bam. Another message. A Facebook meme. FFS. Like nothing had ever happened. And what happened to ‘I will cease contact’??

I ignored it.

And again, a few days later. Another message. A question this time. Something indirect. ‘I can do you this favour, if you send me this’.

‘He must miss me… Maybe there’s hope.’

Stop it Nat.

This is not endearing. This is breadcrumbing – manipulation dressed up as care. ‘Oh no, my half-arsed attempts aren’t working… surely, she’s not really withdrawing and cutting me off? I’ll just give it another go…’

There’s so much irony in the fact that that every time I started to rise, he felt it energetically and tried to pull me back in. In the past, this might have worked – ok, let’s be real. It did work – not for me, but definitely for him.

No. Not this time.

Something in me was different this time. I knew, deep down, this behaviour was not what I wanted. The message title itself was also a message ‘Not Like This’. A reminder of my own boundary. Nice work, forward thinking Nat.

I compartmentalised my hurt and stepped back into my power.

I want a man that fights for me. Goddammit. So, I wrote this message, and sent it to myself…

NOT LIKE THIS

I am ready for, and deserve a love that is ALL IN. I am no longer available for half efforts, breadcrumbs, unmatched energy. I will show up fully, when my aligned soul connection shows up in my world, fully. And adoring me. Until then. I face forward. I protect my energy. I heal. I grow. I glow. I am becoming. This woman does not settle.

And then, I settled back into my rhythm.

The pang of missing him, or at least my version of him, was still there, and Instagram continued to serve messages that eerily mirrored my situation.

Then, silence. For months.

Until an unsolicited comment from my well-meaning brother made me question myself. Was I too harsh? Had I cut this off too soon?

By this time, I had deleted everything – even his number. Contact was via email. I know… we’re all cringing.

I received: “maybe we’ll catch up again, one day… blah blah”.

No accountability. No remorse. Perfect. Because it was unaccountable bullshit and I knew I was better than that.

Why did I let my brother’s words get into my head? Why even consider giving permission for men to avoid accountability? I don’t fully know. But this is conditioning stops here. Let’s call it out. It’s not ok!

Recently, I heard: an ‘amazing man’ is akin to an average woman. If a man can hold down a job, a home and some semblance of a life, he is a catch. Meanwhile, my sisters are raising kids alone, while running businesses, leading teams, writing books, making a difference – that’s the benchmark. Few men come close.

So, I said no to that version of a man.

I kept going. I healed. I grew. I glowed. I became the version of me that I am proud of.

And ultimately, that’s what will attract the version of man that I truly want – the one deserving enough to hold me. When I’m ready, on my terms.

Many women I know are walking this path too — navigating heartbreak, reclaiming their power, remembering their own source.

They are unravelling the old patterns, embracing their light, honouring their shadows, and returning to themselves.

That is the work of The Company of Her. The return. The remembering. The love.

The Company of Her exists to support women to remember their worth and shine their light with brilliant intensity. If you feel called, I’d love to hold space for you.

With love, and goddess light
Nat 🤍