Female friendships are a funny thing
Female friendships are either ride-or-die, or complex and competitive. There doesn’t seem to be a middle ground.
I have four ride-or-die girlfriends - the ones who have seen me at my worst, and my best, and have my back no matter what. I’m aware that makes me rich in ways I’m eternally grateful for.
I also have lots of other female friendships, and a couple of gay male friendships (and some men friends - that’s a different blog!). Some of these women, who I thought had my back, proved me wrong in very unceremonious ways.
From visiting my ex-husband to ‘check if he was ok’ after our split, going to couple’s dinner with him and his new partner to being annoyed that I was upset, to showing jealousy or vindictiveness when I landed a big job – each action felt like a betrayal. Even small exclusions, like being left out of conversation when someone ‘more exciting’ arrived, stung.
Once I saw the patterns clearly, (they say people show you how they feel, you just need to believe it) I pulled my big-girl pants up and donned the armour I needed. Like a relationship gone wrong, I removed them from my socials, deleted message threads, photos and birthday reminders - stopping short of blocking them.
The pain, from a broken friendship, it seems, can hurt as much as a broken relationship. While we didn’t sleep together, the vulnerability I shared with these women was the same, sometimes more in fact because these women had witnessed my rawness moments – heartbreak, vulnerability, joy – and when loyalty failed, the impact was magnified.
2025 seemed to be a year of focus for this – friendships ending and the emotional waves that came with it. Events and conversations became reminders of what was, and it took inner strength and sovereignty to navigate.
Toward the end of 2025, I started to notice something beautiful; the void left by those friendships began to fill with new people. People who are more in touch with shadows and their light. People who reflect a deeper and more evolved energy. At the same time, it allowed for a deepening bond with my three besties – the friendships my soul craves, the friendships my cup needed to fill.
Maybe the universe was making space for more real people, mirroring my own internal journey from the previous corporate Nat to the newly emerging sovereign Nat - a journey of profound healing, for myself and all women. I resisted this at first… okay, for a while… but now I see it clearly. Just like clearing expired food from the pantry, some friendships had served their time and needed to go.
None of this was easy. I still feel a twinge of discomfort talking about it. But the shift I’ve felt is undeniable. I’m more excited for the now and the future than remorseful about the past.
Just as I finished writing this, Max McNown’s A lot more free came on in my car. While the song may be about a broken romantic relationship, the lyrics spoke perfectly to this moment:
I'm a little bit hurt but a lot more free I ain't sayin' that you never took a toll on me For what it's worth, I can finally see That I'm a little bit hurt but a lot more free
Universe, I’m ready. I’m trusting the process. I’m not fully understand what it all means right now but I’m leaning in, doing my own unpacking and healing and I can see its leading to so much more.
Have you experienced similar friendship shifts - the discomfort, the questioning, the letting go? Or are you resisting it?!
The Company of Her exists to support amazing women through transitions like this - to rediscover their light and shine with brilliant intensity. If you feel called, I’d love to hold space for you.
With love and goddess light
Nat 🤍